I dont know who reads my page and I'm too afraid to submit this post for the main page cause I'll get more negative critisicm than actual help.

My problem is with my 3 yr old. (3 yrs, 3 months) I dont know where to start, he's still not speaking but doctors have told us he is fine and will talk when he is good and ready, and he doesnt need speech therapy, so we've put him in preschool hoping that will speed things along... he hasnt been going long enough for any progress to take place yet. 

I guess the problem started when I got pregnant when Bilal was 2 yrs and 3 months I had a difficult first few months with the nausea and exhaustion, also my mother-in-law was staying with us for 2 months (hell!) so I became really impatient and horrible towards my son, lots of screaming and shouting, I stopped playing with him as I was too tired, even though I did this he seemed fine, he wasnt prone to tantrums and potty training went smoothly and all was well except for the speech and less affection from me. We traveled to the US when he was 2 yrs 10 months, the plane ride he was fine, we were staying with my cousins (in GA) and he took to them that first day really well and it all looked well, the very next morning he woke up with a fever and was vomitting, he vomited several times that morning and afternoon he got too weak to walk, thankfully his fever broke and he stopped vomiting by evening, that night we wanted to go to Wal-Mart and buy some stuff we needed and getting him ready to go out he threw a tantrum like none he ever threw before, lying on the floor kicking and screaming and crying it was scary, he calmed after that but insisted on taking his stuffed toy cat with him even though he knows its not to be taken out with him but I allowed it seeing how distraught he seemed, the car ride there and at the store he seemed tired, scared even it was such a strange reaction from him.. my mom and I feared this was all because of the new environment, and prayed it would get easier for him soon. A week later we decided to visit my aunt in FL, so we took a 12 hr drive there, with lots of rest stops as I was pregnant and needing the bathroom a lot so each time we stopped I took him to the bathroom and to my horror on one of those stops I found that he had pooped his pants (his first accident since he was trained 9 months ago), I couldnt understand why he didnt tell us he needed to go like he always did even if we were in the car, I made him lie on his back on the changing table like a baby and wiped his butt and changed him, when we got to my aunt in FL he took to her and her daughters and had lots of fun, but he also threw several screaming tantrums while we were there, it was so unlike him and he's very loud and there's no stopping him or calming him. We stayed for only 4 days and went back to GA he seemed estatic to be back home and all was well till a few weeks later he learnt how to use the computer and move the mouse and cursor and open Paint and Word and doodle around in them, he became so engrossed that he would forget and ignore everything around him and he would pee/poop his pants and he had a daily screaming tantrum, I would get so angry with him lots of screaming and shouting from me as well for him to give up on his potty training only weeks before the baby was due to be born, and as I got bigger I played with him even less and lost my temper even more. He started daycare around that time and I didnt know him regressing on potty training was due to seeing other kids in class do that or the change of atmosphere, fear of daycare, I really dont know. 

I gave birth to his brother a month after he turned 3, and sadly I took out my post postpartum depression and exhaustion on him, more screaming and shouting and when he pooped his pants one time then I spanked him hard and broke down into hysterical crying myself, my mom took over Bilal's care and left me with the baby. My husband needed to travel to Egypt to finish some paperwork and took Bilal with him, to give me a break and collect myself, and he didnt have any accidents or problems the 2 weeks he was there. We then all traveled and met back home in Saudi Arabia and my husband went back to work, my mom went home and it was me at home with the boys alone all morning, that first week back Bilal wouldnt tell me when he needed the bathroom and would pee/poop his pants, I kept calm and my mouth shut as I cleaned and changed him, when his dad would get home he would tell him he needed the bathroom, thankfully this lasted about a week and then he started telling me again when he needed to go and the whole potty issue was a thing of the past.. he still threw screaming tantrums, he still didnt listen and ignored me often and I found I couldnt deal with him unless we both got angry at each other and dealing with the baby the cause of my sleep deprivation seemed so much easier.

Every night as Bilal sleeps I would sit by him crying over how horrible I am with him and I would promise myself that the next day I will pay more attention to him I would play with him be more affectionate, and then comes the next morning I'm sleep deprived, tired and impatient.. its a cycle I cant seem to break... last night I broke down and seriously promised myself I would be better and in the morning getting him ready for preschool I was very patient and affectionate and I felt better and ready for the day, I went to pick him up at school and found him in the bathroom with the assistant getting dressed he had pooped his pants and was a mess, I didnt say or do anything, just got home, gave him a shower and let him play in his room... 

I need a solution, I know he is a typical toddler and all this is normal, people meet him and say he's perfect, well behaved and cute and friendly and they tell me about nightmare children they've seen or about how horrible their children were at that age and how lucky I am, I guess I believe them and I'm taking him for granted but its so difficult I read over this and it sounds like mothers of teenage boys who've lost the relationship they've had or who are having a hard time with control and all that, but he's only 3, i dont know how I'll survive those teen years with 2 boys. How can I make it easier, how can I get through to him and understand him, how can I enjoy motherhood? please help. 

Little Monkey is now 2 years and 10 months, practically 3 years old now. He's still not talking... we went to the doctor a while back and asked him and he said that children raised in Saudi are usually late talkers, there isnt much interaction or activities to be done so they usually talk after the age of 3 I've also heard other parents say the same things about their own children so I'm not too worried, but yesterday we visitied my sister-in-law, her daughter is 5 weeks younger than my Little Monkey and I know it isnt right to compare but she seems like a whole year older than him it really freaked my hubby and I out. 

She's taller and fuller than my son. She is speaking clearly and in sentences. She can feed herself with a spoon or fork totally well. She isnt shy or timid around other children her age. 

I understand that she has 3 older siblings and 4 older cousins that practically live with her so she has a lot of interaction and competition so she has to make herself heard thus the advanced speech and the social skills. Also the feeding herself thing she never had a vomiting problem and her mother is busy with 4 other children and the cousins and all that to be constantly feeding her so she learnt to fend for herself. 

Little Monkey is an only child so far growing up bilingual so speech delay and social skills delay are understandable but if this goes on for too long school will be very difficult for him. Because he had a severe case of reflux till the age of 1 and then voluntary vomiting till he was 18 months I didn't allow him to feed himself, he always stuffed his mouth too much causing him to choke and vomit or spit his food and he never showed any interest in using a spoon and he's stubborn if I ignore him hoping he'd be forced to fend for himself he would just walk away and would rather go hungry than try to feed himself and he gets frustrated way too quickly. The same thing with the speech if I act dumb not understanding anything he wants till he uses words to tell me he would just give up and not want that thing anymore and walk away...

My sister-in-law is jealous of my son's potty training, he's been trained now for almost 7 months no accidents no problems, her daughter is so not interested at all. She's also jealous that he sleeps through the night in his own bed in his own room with the lights off and the door closed till the morning... her daughter has never slept through the night and refuses to sleep in her own bed even when they had it in the same room with them, she has to sleep in between them and touching both of them, if they move her at all she wakes up (I wonder how they get any quality time?) She's also jealous of the fact that I can say No and mean it and Little Monkey will not throw a tantrum or scream, he doesnt need to be carried or have my constant attention, he can play by himself independently really well. 

So that is us comparing our children, my son is ahead discipline wise her daughter is advanced in other areas. I'm traveling back home to the states at the end of the month and plan to take him to his doctor there and going to Early Intervention and see about speech therapy, my hubby wants me to place him in a daycare so that he interacts with other children and when I come back he wants to see about sending him to a daycare here as well, which I'm not too happy about, the quality of daycares here isn't that great and then I'm a stay at home mom with nothing to do other than look after my children... we will see what the doctors in the states say and make up our minds then. I hope 3 months will be enough time to get therapy or learn anything. It worries me the amount of change he will go through, the traveling, new surroundings, possibly therapy or daycare, a new sibling and then traveling back home... In the meantime it seems my hubby will be taking Little Monkey with him and visiting his sister a lot in the hopes that helps some...